If I had a nickel for every time I overheard some fella in the club telling the lady he was chatting up how his “slutty” ex-girlfriend “broke his heart”,
I would have all the nickels.
I’d still be appalled at the way some dudes behave with strangers in public.
But at least I’d be rich.
Here’s A List: Of Why Last Night Was So Magical.
-None of the tiny disasters aggregated suficientemente into ~Something Much Worse.
-Danced all up on you.
-Gave kisses & was delightful.
-FOUND A DOLLAR IN MY PARKING LOT.
-Got I love you’d.
-Arrived home safely.
-I am not hungover.
Also: I looked amazing throughout.
Jinx.
- Me: Are you alive?
- Her: No.
- Me: Any last words?
- Her: The fry place by my house was CLOSED.
- Me: Ha, you fucking NERD it's 4am.
- Her: OMG, That's what my cab driver said!!
- Me: You're the worst.
- Her: THAT'S WHAT MY CAB DRIVER SAID!!1
That moment when you suddenly realize you lost a button and/or tore a seam while out the night before
And, of course, those subsequent moments as the hows & wheres of what happened come rushing back to you.
About Last Night: I am in the best of all possible moods & intend on remaining here for the duration.
Also: I win.
*throws confetti; high fives everyone*
About Last Night: I am mostly terrible at goodbyes
*a friends kitchen after my going-away party*
Her: This water tastes like coffee!!
Me: It is coffee.
Her: FUCK, I AM SO DRUNK RIGHT NOW!! *laughs; falls off stool*
Me: *leaning down to pick her up* Don’t say that. You sound like high school.
Her: Awwww, don’t go. Stay here. *rolls around a bit*
Me: *laughing* Heifer, you know I cannot stay here. I live in America. Get up!
Her: Noooooooo. *rolls around some more*
Me: Yeah, well…*lies down on the floor, too*…besides, I’ll be back.
Her: *perking up considerably* You said you weren’t coming back!
Me: I say a lot of things about not coming back here I don’t mean.
Her: *sits up a little; gives me a big hug* I’m going to miss you too much.
Me: *laughs again; big hugs back* You will not.
